In this week’s edition of Why I Love My Kids Wednesday, our children embarrassed us and ratted us out like champs.  I hope you’ll contribute some of your entertaining stories as well in the comments section.

5 Year Old Potty Mouth

So, we found this insanely strange looking beetle in our yard the other day.  Our two boys were enamored with the giant pincers and rapid movements in the little bug case they use for such activities.  At one point, a giant spike started to emerge from its backside.  I had no idea what it was, presumably a stinger of some sort.  Anyway, I don’t even recall saying this, but I must have described it to my wife over the phone in vulgar fashion and my son overheard me.

He was at speech lessons today and was describing this new beetle he found to the speech teacher.  She was listening along when he burst out, “And This Giant Spike Came Out It’s Ass!”.  My wife was mortified.  She just looked at the teacher not knowing whether to laugh or hang her head in shame.

Trash-Talking: Caught Red Handed

You can always count on your kids to rat you out when you’re trash-talkin’ someone else.  Our 5-Year Old got us good this week.  He’s enrolled in swim classes right now. My wife enthusiastically signed him up for swim so he could finally get out of swimming bubbles and kick boards and learn to swim on his own.  She was dismayed to find that each time she picks him up, all the kids are doing is rudimentary activities like climbing up and down a ladder in the pool or playing tag in the water and not actually learning to swim.  This went on for a few days.  At dinner one night, she was venting to me and said, “I didn’t pay all this money so he could play tag in the water”.

So, our 5-Year old comes back from swim this week and tells my wife that he relayed that line to the teacher verbatim, “My Mom Said she didn’t pay all this money for me to play tag in the water”.  In retort, the teacher said, “You tell your mommy that you don’t get to progress to the next stage until you finish this class and she can come talk to me if she likes”.

Wow, talk about ratted out!  Gotta love what your kids selectively share with people from household conversation.

Any good ones on your end?

So, we were visiting some friends yesterday and they have a 3 1/2 year old.  Our son, who just turned 5 has been getting punished for being naughty (for a few years now of course, but he’s changed tactics), has now resorted to telling his little brother to do naughty things, with the thinking that he’ll still get to celebrate the destruction he has wrought without the consequences.  In this case, he told our friends’ son to flush some toys down the toilet during our visit.  Nobody actually saw it, but someone that came in the bathroom after the deed was done said that the boys fessed up to their caper.

We’re obviously incredibly frustrated and embarrassed by this and they were very cool about it.  They called this morning to just try and ascertain what it was that our son told their son to flush since the toilet’s clogged.  Apparently, it was a hockey puck, a set of toy keys and something else now that the full story has come out.  We offered to pay the plumber’s bill, but they said no.  We intend on sending them some money once all is said and done anyway.

As punishment, we intend on counting out plenty of money out of our kid’s hoard in is piggy bank that he prides himself on.  It’s a day after the fact and we didn’t know what happened immediately, so the punishment’s a bit delayed, but he knows what he did was wrong.

Thoughts on how we’re handling this and have your kid’s put you in a similar situation before?

Wow, I'm like...SMARTER!

I love learning about simple solutions to complex issues.  Over and over, people approach issues in a costly and ineffective way while overlooking “old-fashioned”, do-it-yourself approaches that are surprisingly effective.  I was intrigued to read this article about how chewing gum can actually improve kids’ test score performance.  For all the knocks kids get for popping bubbles, sticking the gum under the desk or in a classmate’s hair, according to this study, there appears to be some tangible benefit to chewing in an academic setting.

According to the article,

“Those who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math test scores and had final math grades that were significantly better than the other students. Teachers observed that those who chewed gum seemed to require fewer breaks, sustain attention longer and remain quieter.”

While the 3% may not seem statistically significant, and the observation piece may very well be attributed to the “placebo effect”, the fact that Baylor’s College of Medicine endorsed the practice as showing significant improvement over a control group is pretty impressive.  While no specific mechanim was cited, it is postulated that chewing induces increased bloodflow to the head, which in turn, translates into improved cognitive function.

A Much More Expensive Solution – That May Not be Worth it

Now, on the flip side of the coin, I read an article today at wsj.com showing that the hefty fees parents pay out for SAT Test Prep courses provide only a marginal benefit, if that.  And many of the outfits boasting about their services and results cannot back it up and had to alter their advertising statements when challenged.

One report put the average benefit at 30 points on a 1600 max point SAT exam (study conducted prior to increase to 2400 total points on the SAT).  I don’t know about you; my parents didn’t have thousands of dollars to shell out for the test prep stuff and I did OK.  I took the exam twice, got about the same score each time and got into the college I was after.

Perhaps the solution is to just replace $4000 course with chewing gum – it’s a lot cheaper and it actually seems to work!

It all started out so innocently.

Just one here, one there.

When our son Kevin was born, people would bring them to us and we would let him have them.

As time went on, he wanted more and more.  We didn’t have the heart to say no.  And it would be embarrassing to the people who were giving them to him if their precious cargo disappeared.

We’d go to a carnival and boom – another one.  We’d go to a birthday party and as a party favor, bam – again!  A relative would bring one here, an EMS worker (long story) would bring one there.  It started off cute, but is now overwhelming.

We allowed it to continue for some time and things are finally coming to a head.

They’re in his bed. They’re in our cars.  They’re in our couches. He brings them everywhere he goes.  And they are so numerous we can’t even keep track of them any more.

His insatiable appetite has become impossible to stop.

We’ve Lost All Control.

We are enrolling Kevin in Stuffed Animals Anonymous (SAA).

While he has a couple favorites, I kid you not, that of the 30 or more he has (I can’t count), he takes inventory every night and he knows when one is missing, when it’s damaged, etc.  He wakes up screaming at 3 AM if little seal isn’t with horsey and if hoo-hoo (his favorite owl) falls through the crack between his wall and the bed.

He’s 4 and he’s getting to be a big boy. And with a new girl in the house; we need a break.

SAA for Kevin!

What ridiculous rituals do your children employ that only a kid can get away with?