Is it something I said?

1. Yawn and tell her how tired you are - This is a classic statement that’s liable to send her into a complete frenzy – hide all objects, sharp and blunt alike, and run for cover.  What, like getting up 3 times a night while I sleep like a baby causes resentment?
2. Sleep in while she’s up with the other kids at 7am – Oh boy, when this happened, I had to live down evil stares, snarls and overt insults the rest of the day.  It sure did feel good sleeping late that day, but I paid the price.  I thought about asking her if she cared if I took a nap, (haha), but I knew she was in no mood for light humor.
3. Call a new mom at 7 in the morning for some insipid conversation on the one morning the baby’s asleep at that time and upon the obvious displeasure on the other end of the line, say, “Oh, I figured you were up already with the baby!”  While my wife’s not a spiteful person and quickly forgets such gaffes, I thought it would be fitting to pick up the phone at 1AM, 3AM, then again at 5AM to call back looking to discuss last night’s American Idol and say, “Oh, I was up with the baby, so I figured I’d give you a ring!  You know, like when you called me at 7AM the other morning?”
4. When she asks you to do a diaper, say, “Can’t you get this one? I don’t really know what I’m doing yet”.  I used this excuse once and caught hell. I’m used to boys.  We have two of them.  When the girl came a few weeks ago, I’d been using the excuse that I didn’t know what I’m doing, how stuff works down there, etc.  Well, the grace period’s over and I’m now well-versed on wiping front to back as well; it’s not rocket science.  I can “feel her pain”.  Just once in a while, it’s nice to not have to do a diaper.
5. Ask why she didn’t get an errand done during the day - or why dinner’s not ready.  This is one that’s liable to result in a trip to the ER.  With getting this one to school, that one to speech lessons, nursing 8 times a day and getting the dog to the vet, what they heck, getting my clothes to the dry-cleaner shouldn’t have been a big deal, right?  Well, OK, I shouldn’t have even asked.

So, let’s hear it Moms and Dads

What are some of your favorite stories of anger in the new mom phase?

Well, after much ado, tomorrow’s the big day where we’ll meet our baby girl.  My wife’s to be induced in the morning.  We have two boys now who we absolutely adore…but they are completely bonkers and a third boy in the house would probably throw my wife over the edge.  I do look forward to the experience of a little girl in the house, but my wife was pretty much set on going til there’s a girl.  With this in mind, there was an array of hilariously ridiculous rituals my wife put me through in order to “swing the odds in our favor” in order to conceive a girl.  Personally, I think it’s 51/49% every time based on the statistics; these Chinese calendars and bizarre sexual rituals are a goof, but what the heck, I went along with it.  Now, she’s convinced that if you take some ice and well, nevermind.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned after 8 years of marriage, it’s “Happy Wife, Happy Life”.  So, that’s the long of the short of it; tomorrow = D Day.

We haven’t decided on a name yet. We’ve been torn between:

Samantha, which was the name my wife had in mind since she was 8 years old and said she was going to be a mommy to a little girl

and

Kaitlyn, which is Irish to go along with our other Irish boy names since Irish heritage is pretty much the ONLY thing we have in common (opposites attract!).

So, I think we get an extra day or so at the hospital and we’re going to have to decide.  I’ve been saying I have to see her to make the call.  Oddly, we ate at a restaurant where our server had 2 boys and girl (her youngest), the girl’s name is Kaitlyn, and her middle name was my wife’s name.  I don’t believe in fate, but perhaps this time around, I’ll indulge.

Wish Us Luck!