New Mom Humor: 5 Ways to Really Piss Off a New Mom

Is it something I said?

After just having our third child and reliving the joys of seeing my wife severely irate over everything from seemingly innocuous statements to outright stupidity, I thought I’d share some of my personal favorite behaviors and statements that can really piss off a new mom. Hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes and those of others close to us that have sent my wife from the happy mom to a head-spinning, green pea soup barfing, exorcist-like, speaking in tongues demon in a flash.

Yawn and tell her how tired you are - This is a classic statement that’s liable to send her into a complete frenzy – hide all objects, sharp and blunt alike, and run for cover. What, like getting up 3 times a night while I sleep like a baby causes resentment?
Sleep in while she’s up with the other kids at 7am – Oh boy, when this happened, I had to live down evil stares, snarls and overt insults the rest of the day. It sure did feel good sleeping late that day, but I paid the price. I thought about asking her if she cared if I took a nap, (haha), but I knew she was in no mood for light humor.
Call a new mom at 7 in the morning for some insipid conversation on the one morning the baby’s asleep at that time and upon the obvious displeasure on the other end of the line, say, “Oh, I figured you were up already with the baby!” While my wife’s not a spiteful person and quickly forgets such gaffes, I thought it would be fitting to pick up the phone at 1AM, 3AM, then again at 5AM to call back looking to discuss last night’s American Idol and say, “Oh, I was up with the baby, so I figured I’d give you a ring! You know, like when you called me at 7AM the other morning?”
When she asks you to do a diaper, say, “Can’t you get this one? I don’t really know what I’m doing yet”. I used this excuse once and caught hell. I’m used to boys. We have two of them. When the girl came a few weeks ago, I’d been using the excuse that I didn’t know what I’m doing, how stuff works down there, etc. Well, the grace period’s over and I’m now well-versed on wiping front to back as well; it’s not rocket science. I can “feel her pain”. Just once in a while, it’s nice to not have to do a diaper.
Ask why she didn’t get an errand done during the day - or why dinner’s not ready. This is one that’s liable to result in a trip to the ER. With getting this one to school, that one to speech lessons, nursing 8 times a day and getting the dog to the vet, what they heck, getting my clothes to the dry-cleaner shouldn’t have been a big deal, right? Well, OK, I shouldn’t have even asked.